Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
