my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
