i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
