I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
