did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
