I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
