How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
