I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Shame is for Republicans.
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