3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You smell like stripper and shame
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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