i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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