i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
