I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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