Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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