she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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