I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
