News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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