someone threw a dead crab at me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
