3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
