i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
