It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
