my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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