Fuck appropriateness.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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