NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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