shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
