At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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