ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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