im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
