Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
