i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
