He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
