Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
