So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
