and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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