its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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