matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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