Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
