your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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