so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
