Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
