I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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