theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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