Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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