What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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