Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
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