I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
