I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
