FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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