bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
