just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
