as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My vagina just recognized that song.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
